


the one who will break the stillness of your ocean

by outlawofideal



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, M/M, Men being boys when in love, Old Friends, Past Divorce, They are thirty making adult choices, They had their fair share of other relationships, blurred relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 19:55:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20533688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outlawofideal/pseuds/outlawofideal
Summary: Jongdae doesn't realize how unsatisfied he is with his own life until his path crosses with Byun Baekhyun, once again. After all those years he still doesn't have control over his heart.Best friends that separate and find each other again as adults.





	the one who will break the stillness of your ocean

It's a Friday afternoon so it's only natural for Incheon Airport to be buzzing. Jongdae is waiting for his gate to open, on a line for more coffee, an airport-priced iced americano, to fuel himself, even though he will need all the sleep once he lands. He is watching people rush through the airport. A woman is running for it with her kid in tow for a last call. A crew of Lufthansa is making their way through people in their sleek navy uniforms. One of the cabin-crew struggling to fix her warm yellow scarf as they go on. There’s a young boy in comfortable sweats is staring at screens for information.

In five minutes he has his coffee in his hand, walking towards his now assigned gate. His fingers are freezing but he must feed his not-so subtle addiction to caffeine. The boy from before is no longer in front of the screens, he notices.

The seats close to his gate are already occupied. He resorts to walking around until he finds a place to sit down, and goes over his notes.

When he studied music he didn't imagine writing for a tech column of a newspaper's website. It's not so bad, he usually has to be on top of new launches and know his way around. The pay is regular. He earns enough to go by and he gets to go on business trips such as now.

There's an international ‘Technological Advancements in Music’ conference taking place in Singapore that a Korean entrepreneur is sponsoring, and Jongdae is the black sheep chosen to write about it.

When they start boarding, Jongdae looks at his ticket, spiteful. His company already sent him an economy ticket. He was already short of much needed comfort. Couldn't they have at least assigned him with a window seat? He sighs as he looks for his shitty E seat at the back of the plane.

There’s a familiar figure already settled next to his assigned seat. The very familiar set of sweats, paired with a beanie and an expensive set of headphones. Much like what is on the social timelines, youthful and careless.

He places his small pouch into the cabin, then taking a seat. Only then he recognizes the face. Small and cherished with a lovely beauty mark. He feels a pang in his chest with how much it years for the person in front of him.

"Byun Baekhyun?" he states more than asks. He then realizes his mistake, having blurted out the name, and covers his mouth with his hand.

Baekhyun certainly doesn't hear him with his headphones on, so Jongdae takes the liberty to inspect him. He thinks he hasn’t changed much.

He has last seen him four years ago, at their high school reunion. Baekhyun was fresh out of college but had already been scouted by a modeling company. He was the most popular dish at the reunion, everyone wanting a bite of him. Even those he barely spoken with him back then were all over him, trying to have a taste of the cake.

Jongdae remembers the high-end clothing he was wearing even then. Was it silk or something? He is not sure but it must had been quite expensive.

Maybe Baekhyun had already gotten engaged to the heiress by then. Maybe he’s been popular ever since. One could not be sure. He has always been the most dazzling person at events anyway, demanding all the attention from his surroundings. 

Jongdae still feels the same as he gets a good look at the man's face. He doubts it has been touched by time. It's missing all the worry lines Jongdae is currently sporting.

He is wearing this assemble that is unostentatious. It shouldn’t be what one of the richest people on earth wearing nor a thirty-year-old. Yet here he is drowning in clothes twice the size him, hiding all of him. Jongdae’s curiosity gets the best of him, and hee pokes at the man's shoulder.

Baekhyun jumps in his seat and looks back at him. Once he sees who it is, a smile takes over his face.

"Jongdae! What a surprise!"

"Yeah, it’s quite the shock to come across you nowadays."

For only half a second Baekhyun’s smile freezes but his eyes remain bright. 

"Ah! It's my fault for not keeping in touch with you.” He sounds genuine. “But since we are here, we should catch up."

Without them noticing the plane makes a move towards the runway. It only wakes Jongdae from the trance when they get a firm warning for seat belts. It makes him smile as he watches Baekhyun fix his position from his bad habit of cramming into a seat. Besides that, the conversation keeps going. Baekhyun finds a way to pull Jongdae’s story out of his lips, words pouring from his mouth, Jongdae unable to interrupt him.

"I thought you always wanted to be a music teacher," he muses, playing with his glass of champagne. Jongdae has already downed his drink, leaving nothing to busy himself with.

"Yeah. I guess life happened," he mumbles out, partially shameful about his choices when he is here in front of Byun Baekhyun, who fulfilled all of his dreams. He graduated university with excellent grades, got famous due to modeling, and even got into several commercials — Jongdae remembers his mother's smile when she saw Baekhyun act in a beer commercial. To Jongdae's limited knowledge, Baekhyun then got married to some old money heiress, becoming one of the richest people on earth. He even moved out of Seoul, opting for a Singaporean residence.

Since Baekhyun is usually the highlight of the magazine he works for, he knows some things, but ever since he's been assigned with fieldwork, he has been out of the loop.

He found it weird, riding in economy class with Byun Baekhyun at his side. Why would he be here? In economy let alone this airline? Why does he look so tired, his exhaustion radiating off his eyes. Jongdae has no answers whatsoever.

They keep chatting until they are interrupted by the food service. While Jongdae asks for food to devour, Baekhyun declines it, asking for more champagne instead.

"Why aren't you eating anything?" Jongdae asks as he starts peeling off the plastic wrappings from the food.

"I have an appointment I need to look in tip-top condition for," Baekhyun says around a mouthful of sparkling wine.

Jongdae gets worried for him for a second but then decides not to say anything. He has no right to dictate over someone's life, even if that someone was a very close friend in one point of your life.

"Are you going back to your family?" he asks instead. "Why were you in Seoul anyway, I thought you were living in Singapore?" 

Baekhyun snorts. He fucking snorts, spilling some of his precious champagne.

"Yeah, what a family," he says but he is smiling. He leans in close. "Can you keep a secret, Dae?"

_"Can you keep a secret, Dae?" Baekhyun whispers. They are chilling in the classroom during the lunch break. Baekhyun is sprawled across his desk. His arms are folded over as he rests his head above them._

_Jongdae reaches up and fixes the collar of his uniform before a teacher passes by and scolds them for being unkempt. "Of course, Hyunnie. I will always keep your secrets." At that Baekhyun raises his head, and stares at Jongdae._

_"I think Mom and Dad are splitting up," he says, rushed. His mouth shapes into a pout._

_"Where did you get that idea from?" Jongdae leans into him._

_"Dad's not been home for the last two weeks."_

_"Oh, Baekhyun." He grabs the boy's hands, links their fingers. Baekhyun looks like he is at the brim of tears. "I am really sorry to hear that."_

_"It's okay. I guess love doesn't quite cut it," he says but he still holds onto Jongdae's hands.  
Jongdae caresses the back of Baekhyun’s hands. "Do you want some banana milk?" With that, he sees Baekhyun smile again._

Jongdae wishes he rejected to be let in on the secret, but it's already out and he can't get it out of his head. Baekhyun is already asleep curled into himself and Jongdae wonders how he can sleep so soundly. 

"I am on my way to sign divorce papers," he whispered, already quite tipsy so at first Jongdae didn't believe him. What divorce? he wanted to ask. He thought Baekhyun was happily married to that woman. What was even her name? Alexandria Leong or something. They always seem so happy, their appearances at galas making headlines. They're everywhere, plastered on tabloids, across tv screens, and all over the papers. If he’s honest, he was expecting them to have a kid at this point.

Baekhyun seems like he has come to terms with the divorce already like he has been thinking about it for a while. He doesn't even seem down about it.

Jongdae stares at the man. He looks much like the boy he knew yet acts nothing like it. The Baekhyun he knew would never file for a divorce — he hated the idea of letting go of people. He wouldn't rush to be wed either but here they are, years after the wedding that Jongdae wasn't invited to.

He still looks like a pouting baby, but Jongdae can now detect a slight frown between his eyebrows. He wants to soften it with his fingers but he doesn't have the right to touch him anymore, not since high school came to an end.

He must have fallen asleep at one point, because the next time he comes around, they are already landing. Soon he and Baekhyun will part ways again. Jongdae will go to work, and Baekhyun will go back to his flaunting lifestyle. He doubts he will come across him again and already aches to be next to him. He missed Baekhyun, he missed his best friend.

When they are getting off the plane, he feels his cardigan being pulled. As expected it's Baekhyun, and he seems to be a little bit sober now. He already has pulled his beanie and his mask back on. His grip on Jongdae tightens.

"I've missed having you around, Dae. Thank you for listening to me."

Jongdae missed him just as much, if not more.

Once they are out, Baekhyun rushes out through a backdoor, while all the other people wait in line for customs. Jongdae watches until his figure disappears.

He settles into his hotel room. The same hotel where the conference is going to take place. Meeting Baekhyun again seems like a daydream. He feels a breeze on his skin. Warmth takes over him but it feels surreal. How can it be that he found Baekhyun in a place he least expected, when he has barely seen him in four years?

He takes a shower, trying to shake off this feeling but now that he has been cast under Baekhyun's spell again, it’s impossible. The only thing he can think of is his beautiful, sad eyes.

_Baekhyun drops the black plastic bag next to his head on the settee he is lying on, waking him up from his daydream. He makes space for the boy._

_"Dig in," Baekhyun says as he sits cross-legged next to him. He takes out a beer can out of the bag for himself. The sound of the lid cracking open echoes through the night._

_"How did you even get your hands on these?" he asks as he rises up onto his elbows._

_"Noona from downstairs is smitten with me." Baekhyun smirks and takes a long sip from his beer._

_"Yeah, everyone is smitten with you, idiot." Jongdae takes a sausage and starts opening the tricky packaging. _

_Everyone is in love with Baekhyun — almost every girl and some boys in their school, some college-aged noonas in their neighborhood, even Jongdae's mom has a soft spot for the boy._

_And there's Jongdae. He isn’t sure how long it’s been but his heart aches when he looks at the ever-smiling boy. _

_Baekhyun has been next to him through all the good and the bad. Helped him when he fell down and tended his wounds. He was there when his father left him. He was there when Jongdae had his heartbroken for the first time._

_After everything, they are sitting on the rooftop of Baekhyun's home, in their scrawny uniforms, and Jongdae thinks this is what love must feel like._

_"Have you noticed that Eunjeun from class 4 has been looking at me?" Baekhyun says, trashing his empty can around. _

_"I don't know. Like every other girl?" Jongdae huffs, letting himself fall back down._

_"I think she likes me." Baekhyun lies down next to him, pressing a cold can against Jongdae's neck. He yells pushing the boy back. Then they burst into laughter._

_"Will you ask her out?" Jongdae mumbles out once they settle back down. He doesn't look at Baekhyun. He doesn't think he has the courage to get his heart broken._

_His hurt must have gotten the better of him because Baekhyun elbows him slightly and says, "Don't be jealous-”  
Jongdae rolls his eyes but continues staring at the night sky. "You won't believe how jealous I am."_

The next day, after the first half of the press event, is done, Jongdae takes the liberty to move around the hotel. He doesn't feel like eating. His appetite has been off ever since he landed. He likes to think it’s the moisture in the air but he knows better. His mind has been off. Hopefully, he will manage to gather an article out of what he has recorded already. He doesn't remember a single thing from the three hours he has sat down in the conference room.

He reaches a small lounge. He moves towards the bar, hoping to get some coffee into his system before the second half starts. There's a magazine stand located around the entrance — it's metal, shining with the daylight hitting it through the glass ceiling — and there are newspapers spread over it. Jongdae thinks they’re local because he doesn't understand a word on them, but the photos on them tell him enough.

There Baekhyun is, once again on the front page in the arms of his wife. Ex-wife. Or is it?

He checks the date on the paper to confirm it’s up-to-date. It must be from yesterday. It seems like an important local event. He is wearing a glamorous suit, of course matching his wife's gown. He looks incredibly handsome when he is all dolled up. However, this is a different person that he is seeing — this one looks all too happy whereas the Baekhyun from yesterday was getting drunk on an empty stomach just to face his wife.

Jongdae grabs different editions of newspapers from the rack and sits down on the closest armchair. He spreads out the papers, looking at every single picture, and he sees the same perfect posing — the couple captured on camera all around the event, flashing the same stoic smiles.

He feels bad for Baekhyun. He has always been a lover of life but here he looks like a life-hardened marble statue. His appearance bears no flaws but also seems very harsh and cold. He wonders what life has done to his best friend.

So he does something that he thinks is stupid but helps him to relieve the pain in his heart. He sends him a message on Instagram.

_Are you okay?_

He’s not sure how else he can reach him. He lost all of his contacts years ago. Baekhyun seeing his message seems almost impossible with all the DMs he must be getting on his social media accounts.

He folds the papers, downs the rest of the coffee before work calls for him. He goes back to the meeting.

He thinks he is halfway into the session before his phone vibrates. At first, he assumes it's just a message from his phone contractor but then it happens again, twice. 

_R u still in SGP?_

The notification reads. He unlocks the phone to read the rest.

_Can we meet?  
Like, today._

His heart is beating like crazy. He knows he should stay and take notes but how is he going to decline Baekhyun? He’d go to the end of the world to see Baekhyun smile again. He wants to see him so badly.

He texts back immediately, asking where. He gets an answer along with a phone number. He creates the new contact in seconds.

He tries to wait until the next bathroom break, but the discussions get more complicated by the second, and they take so long that Jongdae loses his patience and gets up. He leaves the hotel in a rush, pushing all of his things into his backpack as he runs. He gets into the first cab he finds, he shows the address Baekhyun texted. From what he can gather it's in Chinatown. But he trusts the cab driver to find it for him, the city is big but it isn't huge. Surely he will find Baekhyun.

Once he arrives at Chinatown, he’s faced with pedestrian roads. The cab driver says it’s the closest he can get and tries to give him directions as best as he can. Jongdae pays him generously before trying to remember his way through the chaos of Chinatown. He looks for signs at the tops of buildings, skimming through Chinese characters to find the ones on Baekhyun’s text. When he enters the place he finds a modern take of a restaurant. A waiter comes over to welcome him. The second he gives his name he’s rushed into a private room at the back. Baekhyun is sitting at the table, already helping himself with a bowl of noodles. Jongdae lets out a big breath.

"Hewwo~" Baekhyun says, his mouth still full.

"Don't be gross," Jongdae scolds him. A habit from old times. Baekhyun doesn't seem offended — he only giggles around his next mouthful.

Jongdae sits down and waits for him to finish up.

"Please order for yourself, Jongdae," he speaks up. "My mother-in-law is paying anyways."

He doesn't understand how the man in front of him can be this nonchalant about marriage. The Baekhyun he knew was in love with the idea of marrying the one. 

"I thought you were—"  
"Making a divorce announcement?" Baekhyun raises a brow. "Apparently not, not until my dear wife can announce it without harming the company." Then he is back to munching on dumplings. He pushes the rest of his bowl of ramen towards Jongdae. "Eat up, man. Hunger is the worst feeling."

"Your diet?"

"Fuck that. Why bother if I can't take on the jobs I want? Why should I try so hard only to appear on the sixth page?"

"I mean you were on the front page today." Jongdae smirks. "Several of them."

"She is too rich to ignore, man. They love the rich."

"I thought it was because of your good looks."

"I know I am irresistible." Now Baekhyun is smiling too. He shoves another dumpling into his mouth. With his cheeks full of food, he looks like a hamster.

Jongdae picks up a set of chopsticks for himself, then digs into the food. They eat in silence for a while but his curiosity gets the best of him.

"Baekhyun."

"Hmm." The man looks up from his food, waiting for Jongdae to continue.

"Can I ask you how this happened?" 

Baekhyun flashes another broken smile. Jongdae wonders how the most joyous person he knew turned into this mess.

"I guess she got bored with me. We got bored of each other." He props his chin up on his palm, inching closer to Jongdae. His eyes are full of sadness but still carry a glint when he looks at Jongdae. "I try not to blame her but sometimes I felt like a glorified Hermès bag." He laughs breathlessly at his own thoughts before voicing them. "I think she has some Birkin bags she likes more than me." 

Jongdae doesn't really know what he is talking about but he smiles, looking at the man's joyful face. He raises an imaginary shot glass towards Jongdae, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. 

"What would you say for a round of drinks?" he asks. "For the old times’ sake?" 

"Do you think we can get some soju?"

"You came to the right man,” He giggles. “I am probably the only one creating the demand for supply chain on this island." 

_Jongdae has been staring into the mirror for at least fifteen minutes. He is so focused on making himself presentable that he doesn't notice his mom entering the room. _

_"Are you going out to see that boy?" she asks, approaching him. _

_"Ma~" he whines._

_"I think you should talk to him," she says in her calm voice. She fixes the collar of his jacket. "How long has it been, my baby? Don't you think he should know?"_

_Jongdae has no idea how his mom knows about his feelings. He pouts as he searches for answers from her face._

_"You are not the closed book you think you are, Jongdae." She caresses the side of his face. "I can see how you feel about him when he comes over. You have bright eyes, my baby."_

_"And—And are you okay with this?" he asks, not always understanding how he has the most gentle mother._

_"I cannot control what your heart desires. But I know you will feel bad if you don't do anything about it." _

_He sighs. She is right as always. He doesn't like it. _

_There's only a week left of the school year, and after that he doesn't know if he will ever see Baekhyun again. He hasn’t told the boy about his study plans abroad. He is so scared of breaking his heart._

_He wants to go. A college of fine arts in Japan sent back an acceptance letter last month, telling him they are waiting for him to join them next semester. He is excited but doesn't want to leave his mother, or Baekhyun. _

_"How do I even—" he mumbles out anxiously, but his mother intervenes before his anxiety gets the better of him. _

_"He is your best friend, Dae. He will listen to whatever you say," his mother encourages. "You should go before it gets too late."_

_"Thank you, ma."_

He remembers running until he reached Baekhyun's house that night, climbing the exterior stairs going to the rooftop, only to have found Baekhyun in the arms of someone. He doesn't even remember who it was anymore, but he clearly remembers the ring of Baekhyun's voice declaring his love.

He doesn't feel as bad anymore. He had nine years to recover from that blow. But even after all that, he can’t stop his heart palpitations when he is with him.

After walking through Chinatown, they end up in a convenience store deep in the neighborhood. The old man running the place greets Baekhyun in a language Jongdae assumes is a mix of Malay and Chinese. Baekhyun dives straight towards the beverage fridges, searching for Korean products. Jongdae manages to greet the man with a bow of his head before following after Baekhyun.

Baekhyun grabs more bottles of soju than he can carry, forcing Jongdae to get the beer.

Once they are ready to get out of the store with black plastic bags, Jongdae notices the slight drizzle. The sun is about to set and, with the change of temperature, it’s natural to get a drizzle. Baekhyun steps out without a care.

"Are you mad?!" he yells after him, getting the attention of several passers-by.

"It's nothing for Singapore. Come on, Dae," he insists. His lips quiver into a pout. That's where Jongdae loses the fight. He also steps outside.

Soon, he is proven right. Now it’s straight-out a downpour, and they are running across Chinatown to the closest main road.

Baekhyun is giggling like crazy, cracking Jongdae's outer shell. He grabs onto his hand, pulling him through the streets, from under awnings one by one so they don't get soaked through their briefs.

"There's a cab there!" Baekhyun says excitedly. The red streaks in his hair stick to his forehead. His plain white shirt is clinging on his scrawny body, highlighting the smooth expense of his stomach. The sight before him is irresistable. Jongdae can't help but lean forward and encapsulate him into an embrace. Their eyes lock for a second before Jongdae is pulling him for a kiss. Baekhyun squeaks with the initial shock but easily gives in, wrapping his arm idly around Jongdae's neck. The bottles he’s carrying clink loudly in the bag. Joined with the buzz of the street and the crazy thumping of his heart, Jongdae thinks he is losing his sense of hearing.

Then Baekhyun pulls him closer, pushing himself against Jongdae’s chest, and moans. He fucking moans.

Jongdae pulls him impossibly closer, he can almost feel Baekhyun’s pulse against his. He keeps on kissing him, only stopping for short breaths, the drinks long forgotten, until there’s loud yelling next to them. Someone throws water at them, certainly telling them to leave the front of their shop. It doesn't really matter as they have already been soaked. They only laugh as they step back into the rain.

Baekhyun doesn't drop his hand. The cab driver they end up with keeps grumbling throughout the ride, thinking they are foreign tourists. He is not exactly wrong, they are not Singaporean. But it is pretentious to think nobody will understand him if he mumbles in Chinese. The shocked expression the driver has when Baekhyun switches languages and asks about the payment is oddly satisfying. Feels like they are the mischievous teenagers again.

They end up in Jongdae's hotel room because they have literally nowhere else to go. The moment they break into the small room, Baekhyun is all over him, pulling him into another passionate make-out session. He presses Jongdae against the door, his plush lips barely finding his. His fingers rush to unbutton Jongdae's blue shirt. His tongue is pressing into his mouth, hot against his.

"Hyunnie," he whines in-between kisses. Baekhyun doesn't listen, tries walking backwards towards the bed, but Jongdae still has the goddamn bags in his hands.

"I don't want to stop."

"I don't either, Baekhyun," he says. "But can you hold on for a sec?" Jongdae raises the bags up. With the chaos that is bottles clinking against each other, Baekhyun stops kissing him and opens his eyes. Then they burst into another fit of laughter. Jongdae sets the bags down onto the dresser and goes back to the warmth of Baekhyun’s body. He’s already waiting for him, sprawled out on the bed.

He climbs over, taking his sweet time. He gets a good look at the man before him. Baekhyun is as pale as usual but now even skinnier than before, making Jongdae determined to put some food in him.

"That’s enough staring, Dae." He brings his hands into Jongdae's hair, pulling on it gently.

"I was wondering if this was a dream." 

"Would you prefer it that way?" Baekhyun asks, his voice gentle. He caresses Jongdae's face, his fingers trailing from his eyebrows to his cheeks. Then he brings them towards his neck, digging his fingers into the muscles.

"Not really," he answers truthfully, then dips down to steal another kiss from the man's lips. He continues his path, kissing his moles softly, and lingers under his chin, sucking several bruises on his neck. He pulls on the collar of his T-shirt, leaving more bite marks there on the expanse of milky skin.

"You should take these off. You'll get sick, baby," he mumbles out but his lips don’t leave Baekhyun's skin.

Baekhyun resorts to undressing Jongdae instead of himself. He finishes unbuttoning the shirt successfully, sliding it off his shoulders. His hands trail down to Jongdae's pants, palming his dick through the fabric. He is already hard and it’s kind of embarrassing.

"What do you want to do, baby?" Jongdae asks, looking into Baekhyun's eyes, just to be sure. Now that they are bare, Jongdae has more area to play with. His thumbs trace along Baekhyun’s chest, pressing against the divot in the middle and watching the soft skin dip under his fingers.

"I don't know. Anything. Everything." Baekhyun is trembling. His voice already unstable.  
Jongdae leans in, his mouth hanging right next to the man's ear.

"Do you maybe want to fuck me raw?" he whispers. His fingers find the man's nipples, giving them a testing tug. "You could mount me and fuck me until we’d forget everything. Hard and long, pure primal instincts. You could fill me up, and milk me dry, baby." Baekhyun seems like he doesn't care much about the nipple pinching so he settles for a steady circling of his thumbs. Which he clearly enjoys more as his body shakes.

"Fuck, ah! Where did you even—?" Baekhyun's fingers dig into his back, trying to get a grip.

"Or do you prefer being taken care of? You can be my baby boy. I could open you up slowly, build it up until you have it right in front you. We could go on all night. I could fuck you slow and deep, baby. Just tell me what you need."

Instead of answering, Baekhyun captures his lips. He licks across Jongdae's lips asking for more, so he lets him. How could he deny Baekhyun of anything? Baekhyun kisses with want, his tongue slipping with Jongdae's. It's all warm and wet, making Jongdae to only want more.

He reaches down to palm Baekhyun's cock. He pops the button and pushes his hand inside, impatient. He has seen it several times before but it feels different now. He is a little smaller than Jongdae but it makes no difference about Jongdae's lust.  
"I want everything." Baekhyun finally answers. Jongdae smirks, wrapping his hand around Baekhyun’s dick. He gives a few experimenting pumps, getting the moan he wanted out of it.  
"Then can I start by tasting you?"  
Baekhyun groans, his hands rushing to get a grip onto Jongdae's hair. "Please do!"  
Jongdae scoots down to get a better angle. He pulls Baekhyun's pants down the rest of the way. Exposing more of that pale skin. His thighs are lean with muscles but insides still look soft with some meat on it. He grabs on to them, kneading them.  
He presses his lips right below Baekhyun's belly button, kissing down his barely there happy trail, tickling him unintentionally on his way.  
Baekhyun's cock lays on his stomach all hard and dark red at the head, matching the color of his bitten lips rather than his nipples. Jongdae presses a finger between his slit, collecting the stream of precum already gathering at the tip. Then he traces is down, following the vein running under Baekhyun's cock.  
Baekhyun tosses and turns, whining all pretty. He pulls at Jongdae's hair tightly, it burns and stings but it only turns him on more.  
When Jongdae finally leans down, he has to hold Baekhyun's legs open and pin them down as the man before him is in an indefinite rush. Baekhyun is far too impatient and needy and Jongdae is just a damned tease.  
He first sucks at the head, licking and sucking softly. His tongue pressed against the slit, torturing the man. Baekhyun moans his name like a mantra. He seems already at bliss even before coming further boasting Jongdae's confidence.  
When he finally swallows he pulls an inhumane groan out of Baekhyun. He seems so on the edge that Jongdae feels the need to wrap a tight hold at the base of his cock. It's too early for him to come.  
They fall into a short routine of sucking and pumping after that. And Jongdae realizes it is quite nice, sucking Baekhyun off. He is loud, the whole experience is like an audio-sensory. His cock is warm and heavy on his tongue. He doesn't need to push himself impossibly to edge to make his man feel amazing. With his every movement, Baekhyun seems to be losing more of his control.  
He relaxes his jaw more, deepthroating all of Baekhyun’s length and starts bobbing his head. He let's go off Baekhyun's legs which end up on his shoulders, on the edge of strangling him.  
He has been so into reading on Baekhyun's emotions he now realizes how hard he is. The legs around don't let him get away with much so finds himself rutting against the sheets. Even that feels heavenly. The feeling of Baekhyun filling him combined with the slight friction he gets from the stitching on his pants is indescribable. He feels like he is floating. He doesn't notice Baekhyun bucking upwards until his cock hits the back of his throat. It ticks a chain reaction for him, trying to pull but he controls soon enough to let Baekhyun fuck his throat. He holds himself half up with his arms and grinds. He would give so many things only for a pillow or towel underneath his hips. But he makes do.  
He is not sure how long it takes, he gets lost in his head but he ends up building up such a tension that he can't hold his orgasm this time. He ends up freezing and trembling. His arms cannot carry him so he almost fells onto Baekhyun's stomach. But he is spilling into his pants in the end, his breath getting too out of control, almost as if he is choking.  
"Did you just?" Baekhyun asks, realizing what has happened. Jongdae feels embarrassed for a second until Baekhyun whimpers. He fucking whimpers before coming all over Jongdae's lips. He manages to catch most of the come spurting out as he latches onto the head of the cock the moment Baekhyun tenses but in the end, he still ends up with come on his chin and chest.  
He rolls onto the side, trying to gather his breath. He feels the side effects of being thirty. His bliss overpowers every single sensible thought in his head, sucking all of his will power to clean up.  
His eyes close slowly only after hearing Baekhyun mumbling.  
"Oh Dae, how did I miss you." 

When the morning comes and sunshine seeps through the cracks of their happy bubble. Jongdae realizes what actually happened. He gave into desire and poured his heart out. And there’s Baekhyun sleeping, sprawled across the bed like an angel pulling the sheets with his every move. He looks beautiful like he has nothing to worry about.

Jongdae’s heart goes batshit crazy when he looks at him, warmth taking over his body.

He is still married, for god’s sake! Get your head together. You didn't do shit when he had girlfriends, why now?!

He tries to remind himself. He should apologize and leave once he wakes up. But then he looks at him, his mess of a hair greasy because of the rain. His scrawny legs, the tiny scar on the side of his stomach. Everything about him is perfect.  
And Jongdae still loves him. He loves him so much that he think his heart is going to burst out of his chest.

He gets into the shower, to shake off the bad feeling. He stands there, behind the glass and thinks. All those ‘what ifs’ in his life. All those times he gave up on things, because he believed it would be for the best in the end.  
He gave up on asking for his favorite food first because it was too expensive for them to have it often. His mother working all day to support them, only to watch her son whine for food. He then soon learned how to cook.  
He gave up on a bicycle during middle school. He wanted it so badly but couldn’t manage to gather the money for it.  
In high school, it was Baekhyun. His best friend, his support system, his first love. He was right there in his hands yet Jongdae was a coward. He couldn’t speak a word until it was too late.  
He went off to college to pursue a dream job. He was struggling so much with the new culture, being all alone in the world. He tried badly, so badly for three years. He was almost there but in the end when his mother called her for help. He gave up on that too. To go back and take care of his mother until she was fine again. He left Tokyo and never went back. He should have but once he got a job, he didn't want to give up.  
Eventually he gave up on music. He went to school to pursue music but now with no certificate to prove he could work. He was stuck with a mediocre job for an online magazine.  
He now sees he how he gave up on life, trading barely making it with his happiness.

Time must have slipped faster than he expected while he was in the shower because when he came out of the bathroom, Baekhyun is munching on the Macadamia Nuts from the minibar. Baekhyun flashes him a smile that does things to Jongdae’s heart.  
“You know we can go out and have breakfast.” He says, sitting next to him.  
Baekhyun sneaks a hand towards his towel, playfully pulling. “I don’t want to leave.”  
“Hyunnie,” Jongdae whines. “We will eventually have to go out.” Baekhyun’s playfulness leaves its place to fondness.  
“I don't want to leave this moment. I want to stay right here, with you.” He says, putting his hand on Jongdae’s face, caressing softly.  
“When was the last time you have done something for yourself, Baekhyun?”  
Baekhyun snorts but his hand is still there with the gentle touch. “Last night, when I gave into your kiss. That was a rash move on my part but one that I really wanted to do.”  
Jongdae leans and gives a gentle peck on the lips. which in return Baekhyun pulls him in to get a better angle. Jongdae settles on his lap to get more out of the kiss. He puts his hands on Baekhyun’s cheeks, forcing him to open up.  
It’s all nice and fun until they hear a grumble. Baekhyun breaks apart from him with a whine, covering his naked belly with his arms. “My stomach is not used to having food, now that i had some it’s wanting for more.”  
Jongdae is baffled by Baekhyun’s sudden transformation. How he turned from sexy to pouty and whiny in seconds. He cant stop but start laughing.  
Baekhyun starts laughing with him.  
“Let’s go have some food.”

They end up in the hotel’s rooftop bar, bribing a waiter to bring some room service foods. Because Baekhyun doesn't want to go out, walking through a very crowded lobby. Apparently rumors spread faster in this city than Seoul. In his words, Alexandria will know about it even before we reach a cafe.

Baekhyun tries to settle on coffee and an egg until Jongdae forces a bowl of rice into him.  
“So you really haven’t done anything for yourself since you got married?” He asks.  
Baekhyun shakes his head, speaking around a bite. “I learned Chinese and some Malay, lost weight to keep up with the modelling jobs she chose for me,” He pushes it down with a sip of coffee. “Went to events only to be her pretty thing. And don't even get me started about my mother in law, what a living nightmare.”  
“That sounds like a boring life to be as rich as you.”  
Baekhyun giggles. “You know what’s more boring?” He raises a brow. “Living in my mom’s house in Ilsan and waiting to be needed for the last two years. She didn’t even let me walk in Seoul Fashion Week. My mother-in-law I mean, it wasn't classy enough for her. She called it ‘Newbies trying on shoes that don’t fit.’ What a snob!”  
Jongdae watches Baekhyun’s face change as he speaks and speaks about his life, as if there haven’t been anyone to listen to him up until now. “I’m sorry for you.”  
“Don’t worry, I am free now. Even though we didn’t made a good couple, Alex has a soft heart. She let me go because I wished.”  
“So you are not married?” Jongdae asks curiously, the previous guilt about letting loose around him.  
“Nah, not anymore, not legally at least. We are waiting for ah-mah to choose a proper date to announce it so it doesn't affect their stocks or something. I don’t really know.” He steals Jongdae’s orange juice as he finishes up on their breakfast.  
“Are you really free of their binds?” He asks, his heart getting ahead of his mind. “Am I allowed to like you?”  
Baekhyun looks up searching for his eyes. “Jongdae..” His voice falters.  
“What?” Jongdae presses. “You thought I kissed you but I don’t like you? Then you must be blind.”  
Baekhyun's cute little pout disappears as it gets replaced by a warm smile. He reaches to grab Jongdae’s hand over the table, locking their fingers together. “Would you like to have a vacation with me, Dae? Only the two of us on a faraway place from either of our worlds?”  
“That sounds like a dream but I have a job, Hyunnie.” He pouts, his eyebrows scrunching together.  
“A job you are missing out to have a shitty breakfast with a newly divorced man.” He regains his snarky speech again. “Come on Dae, you can’t tell me you love that job.”  
“My Mom-”  
“Hasn’t it been years? Don’t you think you deserve the life you enjoy? You always wanted to do music, you lived music, baby.” Baekhyun brings Jongdae’s hands closer, pressing several pecks over his knuckles. “We are almost thirty, don’t you think it’s time we deserve to enjoy our lives?”  
Jongdae sighs. He wants to enjoy it dearly. But if he quits he is not sure how can he find another job. He is almost thirty making it impossible to hold on part-time jobs. He doesn't have a degree to look for professional jobs in music. He would like to do music, record and sing but he doesn’t have the money to do that.  
“Don’t worry about getting by,” Baekhyun insists. “I have more money than I can spend now. Lucky that old money don’t believe in wedding contracts.”  
“Where will we go?” Jongdae asks, almost giving in. “Will we be able to work it in Seoul? Two of us?”  
Baekhyun reaches over to smooth the frown on his brows.  
“Let’s not worry about the future that is yet to come, baby.” His voice is ever gentle. “It is time for us to seek some enjoyment for ourselves.”  
Jongdae turns his head to press a soft kiss on his palm. He has so many worries in his mind but he knows they will soothe slowly with time. He likes Baekhyun but even with that aside this is his best friend he trusted with his life. He knows it will be fine in the end.  
“You want the vacation that much, huh?”

\---

When Baekhyun spoke of a vacation, he thought it meant something like four-five days in some nice European city. He didn’t really think they would be in Phuket for almost a month. It is not that he is whining but it is quite out of the concept of a vacation in most people’s minds.

They are staying at one of the houses Baekhyun got as a pension. It’s incredible, it looks like one those renovation program wonders. It’s located in a remote land, neighboring the incredible ocean.

He loves waking up now that the bedroom is covered with windows all around, looking directly at the beach. Baekhyun always oversleeps and misses the daybreak but it is breathtaking to see the sun seep between all the rocky tiny islands.

They go around a lot to seek different activities but their favorite so far is to go out and eat from various stalls at night. They have probably eaten more fruit than their entire life combined but it is so cheap and accessible they can’t stop.

Jongdae is walking around on the beach in front of their house, wondering if he will see the dog of their housekeeper. It is adorable and enjoys running around in the sand. The owner lets him even though it means a painfully long bath for the doggie.

Baekhyun has been inside, taking a call from his new agency. Now with the new freedom he has, he has been looking for good promotional jobs to take on. Busy, on the line throughout the afternoons.

The sun is lovely at this hour, washing his skin smoothly. The waves crash into his feet across the white sand. He still thinks of the future. How he is going to manage through life now that he is jobless with a bad employment record. But he is here now, living today. His worries aren’t causing him any anxiety anymore. He just talks about them with Baekhyun, who says encouraging solutions every single time, over a plate of cheese and fruit.

Gosh, he still is in madly in love with the man. Maybe even more than before. He loves his quirks, his passion for video games, his failures at cooking, his deep obsession with couture fashion. How he rambles about anything and everything for hours to come but then stops and listens to Jongdae. How his eyes smile before he does. The small scar on his abdomen. His moles that are absolutely everywhere.

He looks back at the house, with all of its curtains dancing in the soft breeze because all the windows are wide open. He sees Baekhyun’s figure running towards him. He is like an overgrown child sometimes.

He crushes into Jongdae, giggling like crazy. “Baby! I got a job!” He jumps into an embrace, fussing with their balance. Jongdae almost drops him into the sand, barely managing to cradle him.  
“That’s amazing.” He smiles, letting Baekhyun snuggle into him. “We should celebrate.”  
Baekhyun presses a kiss under his chin then whispers, his lips still grazing against his skin. “I know how we can celebrate.”  
“Oh, do you now?” He smirks, catching Baekhyun’s playful eyes.  
“You gotta fuck me until I cannot walk anymore.” He mumbles, his voice taking this deep turn. “Will you do that for me, love?”  
Jongdae captures his lips into a kiss instead, the smirk that was lingering on his lips fading away with the kiss. “Let’s go to bed.”

Once they are inside the villa, Baekhyun rushes to lock down the room doors. Jongdae strips out of his shirt but lets the charms Baekhyun bought for him linger around his neck. He pulls the quilt off the bed to open up space.  
Baekhyun pushes him down to the mattress, climbing over him in seconds. Jongdae lets him take over, lets himself be kissed. Baekhyun is excited and messy with his kiss, exploring Jongdae’s mouth with his tongue. He pulls on his lips, bites down then kisses more. It is instantly dizzying, almost like a spell cast on him. He always feels this slip in his mind whenever he is with Baekhyun. His emotions and sensory take over, making him move on its own accord.  
Jongdae brings him closer, pulling him in from the waist. He lets Baekhyun to kiss him but manages to move him, laying him down on the sheets. He pulls in a pillow to put it under Baekhyun’s back. He hates to lay down on his back, says it makes his muscles stiff.  
Jongdae loves the grumpy old man he has become. How he whines every morning about waking up yet that he never sleeps at an appropriate time.  
They eventually break apart but Jongdae stays close, their breathes mingle. “Hyunnie, my dear Hyunnie, you look stunning like this.” He pushes Baekhyun’s bangs out of the way, they have been getting pretty long yet the longer hair frames his face beautifully.  
“Stop being corny and kiss me.” Baekhyun whines, pulling him back in. He goes back in to kiss him, he settles in between his legs to make it easier on them.  
He holds himself up on his elbows so he doesn't crush Baekhyun’s slim frame. The kisses get messier as they go, become more tongue than anything else. He pushes the thin shirt Baekhyun is wearing upwards, revealing the vast of his soft stomach. He touches him, as gently as he can until Baekhyun breaks into giggles because he is tickly. Which gives more excuses for Jongdae to worship his body. He slides down, holding Baekhyun’s body still. Both of his hands spread against the man’s sides, his fingers dipping into his skin. His lips linger right above Baekhyun’s belly button, he slowly cherishes every bit of skin, leaving bites and bruises across. Baekhyun’s singing giggles give way to soft moans as Jongdae works his way downwards.  
As he sucks another purple bruise on him as his hands work on the hippie unnecessary belt on Baekhyun’s shorts. It clinks and hits Baekhyun on the leg. It must have hurt but he keeps the whining at bay. He helps Jongdae with the shorts and soon they are tucked away. Then Jongdae is back on Baekhyun, he is kissing the spot the buckle hit previously. It’s already bruising on Baekhyun’s sensitive skin along with the marks Jongdae left on him.  
Baekhyun is already hard in his briefs, his dick is twitching even before Jongdae touches him. He teases him over the fabric, finding the head and massaging. Baekhyun moans, his body trembles, his legs jerk almost closing around him. “I see that my baby is impatient.”  
“Please, Dae.” Baekhyun whimpers, his fingers diving into Jongdae’s hair.  
Jongdae pulls the briefs barely down, staring at the gorgeous man in front of him for a second. Baekhyun continues to whine, asking for more. “I will need the lube.”  
“Please just continue. I can’t-”  
“Yeah, no. I won’t fall into that trick again. Lube. Now.” He says. Baekhyun pulls away, crawling over the bed to search for the lube. Jongdae fixes the bed, placing the pillow on a better spot.  
In seconds there's a bottle flying over to him, hitting him on the shoulder. “Auch, Baekhyun.”  
“That’s what you get for not fucking me fast enough.”  
Jongdae laughs, patting the pillow. “Come lay down for me baby.”  
Once they are settled, Jongdae gives Baekhyun a long, soft kiss. He works his way back again, trying to excite Baekhyun. He touches and caresses, listening to the amazing sounds Baekhyun makes. He adores them, he loves making him squirm with pleasure.  
He lubes his fingers, warming them so Baekhyun doesn't get irked by the cold. He massages Baekhyun’s rim, watching the ring of muscles flutter with the building excitement. Slowly, watching Baekhyun’s every reaction he pushes one finger, waiting for him to get comfortable enough. He goes on with the second finger pretty fast, he pushes it next to the first. He lets Baekhyun get relaxed enough with the first knuckle, then he pushes it all the way.  
“Oh-” Baekhyun moans, his hands looking for something to hold on. Jongdae scissors his fingers slowly making space for the third one. He searches for his prostate, pressing against his walls. It doesn't take long, they have been making love for the last month maybe more than once a day so he learned his way into Baekhyun's body. He rubs against the prostate, circles his fingers to tease him. It works, it always works. He whimpers, holding on the sheets to ground himself. “Please,” he begs, his voice cracks as he continues to chant desperately.  
Jongdae smirks. “If I let you come, you won't be able to come again.”  
“Please, Dae. I promise I will. Please baby, I’m just there.” Baekhyun continues whining and fussing. Jongdae pulls his fingers, and it makes this awful wicked sound that is so sexy he feels like he is going to lose his mind.  
He pushes back with three, working Baekhyun, stretching him. He brings Baekhyun to edge again then stops, forcing him to calm down. And Baekhyun is fussing, begging and almost at the brim of tears asking him to fuck him. Who is Jongdae to deny him?  
He pours more lube to his hand, pumping himself. He doesn't need that much help, he is already very hard. That's what Baekhyun does to him. He is ever so hot, in every single way, making Jongdae dizzy. The lines between real life and Baekhyun’s eternal beauty blurs as he keeps looking at him. Jongdae never needs much help to get his dick up.  
He lines himself, pushing in slowly. He groans, trying to keep himself together. He wants to fuck him till the dawn but he stops himself. All he really wants it to make Baekhyun feel good. The head of his cock slides in, then he drags it out. He teases Baekhyun by fucking him with only the crown of his cock. It feels incredible. All the intense feelings running through him.  
He continues for a while until Baekhyun gets fed up with him and pulls him in by grabbing him by the butt. He digs his fingers into Jongdae’s ass spreading them as he pulls him close. Jongdae slides in easily, fitting perfectly inside Baekhyun. Both of them groan, the pleasure taking over.  
Once he gets his breath back, Jongdae presses a kiss onto Baekhyun’s temple.  
“Move, baby,” Baekhyun asks, kneading Jongdae’s ass, stimulating him more.  
And Jongdae does. He pushes his hips forward, trying to find a rhythm. He rolls his hips, looking for Baekhyun’s sensitive area.  
“What about, for next time, you fuck me with a cock in your ass?” Baekhyun whimpers. And Jongdae loses, he moans loudly. That’s all that he wants. A dildo in his ass, vibrating deliciously as he is buried in Baekhyun’s warmth. That sounds like heaven and it shakes him inside out. All the work for the rhythm they made, goes out the window. His arms barely able to hold him, he drops onto his elbows. Baekhyun laughs at him but doesn't last long as Jongdae starts moving again, this time francticaly. No precision to his moves, he drills into Baekhyun. The legs around his waist start slipping which Jongdae is quick to grab on and station them. This way he has more access to move, his hips rolling and now hitting Baekhyun’s prostate. Their hips slamming into each other. There is definitely going to be bruised in the morning. And it is just so good, he wants to cry.  
Baekhyun snuggles his face into his neck, pressing his lips on his skin. He kisses and sucks softly, driving him crazy. His lips wonder around then he bites onto Jongdae’s earlobe. “I want you to fill me up.” His voice breathy and crooked from moaning through the afternoon.  
Jongdae wants to go on, to please his love, to make him feel good but he is so sensitive that he is shaking from head to toe. He reaches for Baekhyun’s dick, wrapping his hand around him. He pumps him, nice and steady as he hips start to stutter.  
As he feels like he is very close, he slides his hand to Baekhyun’s cock head, enclosing in his hand. He rubs the head with the purpose of tipping Baekhyun over the edge.

He doesn't last much after, coming with a groan. He buries his face into the bed. His hand slows down as he blanks out, barely jerking Baekhyun off. Then Baekhyun closes a hand around his working himself with Jongdae’s hand. It is the sexiest thing ever even though Jongdae is only watching it behind his half-closed eyes. He rolls his hips as he works his cock and the overstimulation is killing Jongdae yet he watches in awe. Baekhyun comes fast enough, spluttering all over their hands. He sighs content and smiles at Jongdae’s sleepy face.  
He pushes Jongdae off soon enough, rolling him to the side. As he pulls out, some of his come spills out of Baekhyun, creating a trail. He dares swipe with a finger and push it back in, only to get a hit on his arm.  
“I am definitely putting a dildo in you.” Baekhyun says. “If not for the fun, for the punishment of your brattiness.”  
Jongdae moans. “Please do.”

At that moment, it is like paradise. They watch the waves crash onto the beach as they lay down in their now very humid room. Baekhyun is still going on and on about how he wants to devour Jongdae and he snuggles close to him even with the sweat running down their bodies. And he loves it all. He puts an arm around Baekhyun, holding him close. He presses a kiss into the man’s sweaty mop of hair. Baekhyun teases him for being disgusting and the tightness around his heart comes back. Jongdae loves him. He thinks he loved him all of his life but nothing before felt as real as this. 

And with all the things he gave up in his lifetime, this, this is the one thing he doesn't ever want to give up on. Hope and love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and comments. This has been a fic sparked by a sudden thought and i have written it in three days on my phone. Hope you guys have enjoyed it.
> 
> Thank you so much for both of my betas their help pushed me to publish this.
> 
> If you want to talk further; my twitter [@outlawofideal](https://twitter.com/outlawofideal)


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